Opra Poapra

Opra Poapra, lemon soap-ra

Fell in love with Deepak Chopra

Opra Poapra, lemon soap-ra

Had a falling out with Deepak Chopra

Opra Poapra, lemon soap-ra

Fell in love with EmPtA pOmPtA

The Devil swallowed and regurgitated seven snails...

An adequate being of mediocre power (rated PG), Opra Poapra wormed her way into the sticky folds of the universe as a larva, where, 10 billion years ago, she germinated and grew into her current form. She spends most of her time telepathically connecting with mortals on Earth and Ploapatopia in feeble attempts to make shady deals with them in order to gain access to Freon, which she craves incessantly. She subsists entirely on canned mung beans. For the first 9.9999965 billion years of her life, she starved, because mung beans hadn’t evolved yet.

Oprah Winfrey (née Glünderford Menguidorde Winfrey prior to her ascension) is a talk show host who made a pact with Opra Poapra in order to gain the Gift of Abundance. One day the power will become too much for her, and she will detonate in an explosion of hot clam chowder. Ms. Winfrey has a separate pipe in her kitchen sink that contains a wormhole to Opra Poapra’s corner of the universe, into which she pours the Freon from every refrigerator she has ever owned. 10,000 years ago, Opra Poapra encountered EmPtA pOmPtA in a particularly viscous region, and immediately fell in love. Since then, Opra Poapra has been using the deceased souls of grandmothers to fashion poorly-constructed effigies of EmPtA pOmPtA, known as Proapters, in an attempt to woo her. The Proapters are supposed to do EmPtA pOmPtA’s bidding, but her desires are unknown even to them, so they mostly float miserably through space, occasionally getting sucked into black holes.

To this day, EmPtA pOmPtA has no idea who Opra Poapra is.