Solomon

"Justice blooms from the bottom of a lake– to stop all sin– to bring upon a more gentle end."

Solomon is the firstborn child of Meg Margaret and the first grandchild of EmPtA pOmPtA. The circumstances surrounding his birth are largely unknown, but many scholars believe his conception to have been encouraged by Moose Margaret in her incessant conflict with Mar Stargaret. This line of reasoning is clearly evident in the fact that Solomon dies and is resurrected every three days with the stated purpose of “counteracting the hostile kinkiness of Mar Stargaret’s menagerie.”Solomon can be found sitting on a rock at an unspecified location along the Pissbruckle River, one of the longest rivers on the Ploapatopian continent of Squoadula, where he passes his time alive telepathically levitating fish.

Resurrection
Every six days, Solomon seals himself in a cave near the river and violently explodes, coating the walls in a hot substance closely resembling clam chowder. At the moment he explodes, all animals on the continent of Squoadula and the nearby archipelagos of Squarchella and Pimpter experience an intense bout of itchiness that briefly detracts from their usual deviant behavior. No long-term consequences persist after these episodes, even though Solomon has been in his current location, dying, and resurrecting since shortly after Ploapatopia was created by Mar Stargaret.

Three days following Solomon’s explosive death, the congealed ichor on the cave walls re-knits itself into his original form and he steps out of the cave. Although his deaths do little to ward off the local fauna, while he is alive no animals (save fish) are able to approach him.

Thermidor Bootgristle
On February 10, 1964, a Presbyopian custodian by the name of Thermidor Bootgristle leaped from the tower of Count Glangela as Bag Margaret passed over northern Ploapatopia. At the age of 59, he was hoping to avoid retirement at the hands of the Presbyopian Association of Retired Persons. Bootgristle had mistakenly believed the deity to be floating over Argentina, but ironically ended up on the planet he had been trying to avoid.

Typically, humans on Ploapatopia that venture more than a kilometer or so outside of Mudgement are quickly at the mercy of the kinky fauna, but Bootgristle was lucky enough to land in the waters of the Pissbruckle where Solomon was rhythmically slapping a tench before swallowing it whole. Since then, Bootgristle has remained alive (albeit incredibly shriveled) in the presence of Solomon, safe from attacks from animals. In exchange for his survival, Bootgristle has shaped thousands of lumps of river clay into effigies of Solomon, which the deity typically pushes back into the water.

Thermidor Bootgristle is the only human confirmed to exist on Ploapatopia outside of Mudgement.