Princess Squeetsch

And lo' the Empress doth lower her touch below, seeding the Earth with that which will fruit a destiny most absorbent! Princess Squeetsch is the faceless, armless, second child of Megræt. She adopted the title Princess because of an unrequited desire to infiltrate the Swedish royal family in 1929. She was exiled to Finland after she appeared unannounced before then king Gustaf V, coating the interior of the royal palace with a layer of tabasco sauce, which she constantly secretes. Currently, she lives in a hole in the ground in a pine forest 9.31 miles northeast of Ähtäri, Finland, where she slowly rotates above a pool of tabasco sauce and sings in a language similar to Hungarian, but upside-down.

On winter nights when the moon is new, she flies up out of her hole 300 miles into the air and telepathically lights a 3-mile diameter ring of the surrounding forest on fire. This is thought to act as a signal to distant entities in space, although her goals are unclear. Individuals who happen to be inside this ring when the signal fire is lit experience an intense ringing in the ears and a sudden desire to walk towards the center, into the Princess's pit. Those who find their way into the pit drown in the spicy pool at the bottom and are slowly absorbed by the Princess over the course of the following month, affording her the strength to reascend with the next new moon.